In a modern society like ours, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that manipulators are forever searching for new ways to control others. Gaslighting is the hottest new way to control others, and sadly, too many people are doing it.
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation in which someone uses deceptive tactics to gain power over another person. Understanding what sets off your gaslighter may be one of the first steps in regaining control of your own life.
What is Gaslighting?
A form of emotional and psychological abuse known as gaslighting occurs when a person uses verbal and behavioral tactics to persuade another individual that they are losing their mind or—at the very least—cannot trust their own judgment. Why? To gain power.
Gaslighters, unfortunately, are master manipulators. They lie or withhold information, pit individuals against each other, and always place the blame elsewhere in order to gain control over their victims.
In the past, psychologists saw it as a form of manipulation so extreme that it could induce mental illness or even cause a gaslighted person to be committed to a psychiatric institution. But now, it is used much more frequently and is seen more as a general term.
The term “gaslight” is derived from the stage play Gas Light, written by Patrick Hamilton. The drama’s plot concerns a crafty guy who tries to persuade his devoted wife that she is losing her mind. He hides and rearranges items in their house, claiming that she either misplaced them or moved them herself but can’t recall when she spots them.
The husband’s objective is to covertly enhance his wealth by embezzling his wife’s inheritance funds. She begins to doubt her sanity as the gas lights in her room go out, and she is led to believe they are not real.
How to Spot Gaslighters
Gaslighters need control and power in a relationship. They need to be in charge, and they need to be right about everything. This means that they will often impose their judgments on you.
Gaslighting may be subtle at first, as the methods of a gaslighter—constantly blaming, excusing, making verbally abusive claims, intimidation, denial of responsibility, minimization of harmful conduct, and claiming dissatisfaction with a relationship—may not seem obvious at first.
You may not realize you’re in an abusive relationship until you find yourself trapped in a never-ending vortex of uncertainty and self-doubt. Gaslighters are blame machines, using phrases like “you made me do it” or “I did it because you wouldn’t listen to me.”
Gaslighters may question your motives or suggest you have problems or needs that they themselves have, such as implying you are not being honest with yourself. They might seek to steal the credit for your success.
When a gaslighter gives a compliment or apology, it is frequently accompanied by an underhanded remark such as “You look nearly as good as you did when I first met you” or “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Often because of their race, gender identity, age, mental instability, or physical or emotional fragility, gaslighting is used to influence individuals. It’s the same behavior whether it’s applied during political prisoners’ torture or in a personal relationship: In which case gaslighting has been dubbed “romantic terrorism.”
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which a parent attempts to persuade their child against the other parent or subjects one kid to constant scapegoating. Gaslighting has been levied against world leaders, who have fooled their people into believing something is or isn’t real when all available evidence points to the contrary.
You might have a gaslighter in your family, social circle, or workplace. It’s usually the one who advocates for firing a colleague from their job.
Simple methods to disarm those annoying narcissists in your life
Learn the covert ways they attack you and why they use them
These methods are powerful and let you put them in their place
Written by someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent
Why do People Gaslight Others?
Gaslighting isn’t a one-time occurrence. It’s a pattern of behavior that exploits your doubts and those of others while eroding your self-esteem and even your identity over time. The objective is to weaken resistance, break spirits, and create chaos and confusion in the victim’s mind.
According to experts, there are two major reasons why a gaslighter behaves the way they do. It’s either an attempt at gaining control and power over someone else that has been planned. Alternatively, it might be due to a parent or parents who were gaslighters who taught them these techniques as a survival technique.
Children are taught that they are the golden child who can do no wrong or the scapegoat blamed for everything wrong by a gaslighting parent. This teaches the youngster a false notion that people live in absolutes, with either all good or all evil intentions, so they begin to interact with others as though this is true.
Reasons for Gaslighting
It’s important to emphasize again that gaslighting is an unhealthy influence built on the desire to dominate others.
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse that occurs when one person attempts to deceive another into believing they are going insane. Gaslighting might occur in conjunction with many mental illnesses, including narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.
Individuals suffering from these sorts of disorders have a skewed idea of themselves and others and a propensity toward attempting to influence others for their own benefit.
They will use any means necessary, and they will never take responsibility or acknowledge their own guilt or shortcomings while blaming others.
Gaslighting can be highly harmful to a person’s mental health, leading them to believe they deserve the abuse. The impact of gaslighting may linger long after the gaslighter is absent from the victim’s life, and it frequently leads to self-doubt and problem-solving difficulties.
The Effects of Gaslighting
Because of their social natures, gaslighters just about always find support to achieve their objectives. They will utilize those people against you with statements such as “I’m not the only one who thinks you’re wrong” or “Even so-and-so thinks you’re [insert negative quality].”
Gaslighters thrive on drama and conflict, so any negative information about you may be used against you. These might be lies or exaggerations, but they serve the purpose of the gaslighter.
If you believe that everyone you know is out to get you, you will not trust any of them, and you will not seek assistance from them. This isolates you from your family and friends, allowing the gaslighter more control over you.
Gaslighting and Mental Health
Gaslighting causes long-term stress and severe emotional trauma. Your sense of identity, self-worth, and self-confidence is eroded over time by the constant barrage of verbal (and sometimes physical) assaults.
If you have a history of abuse or trauma, low self-esteem, or depression, you may be more susceptible to gaslighting.
Protect Yourself from a Gaslighter
Here’s some advice if you think you’re being gaslighted:
-Pay close attention to what the individual does rather than what they say. Gaslighters may speak one thing, but their actions reveal a different story.
-Don’t pay attention to someone who tells you that you’re insane or makes remarks that frequently cause you to question yourself.
-Don’t accept anyone’s assurance that others, especially your family and friends, agree with them instead of you. Gaslighters will frequently use the people closest to you as ammunition.
-Keep in mind that it’s not your fault; the gaslighter is solely to blame for their actions.
-When confronted with incontrovertible proof, gaslighters try to deny or avoid the truth. As long as you are in a secure position when doing so, be direct with the gaslighter and offer them indisputable evidence.
Simple methods to disarm those annoying narcissists in your life
Learn the covert ways they attack you and why they use them
These methods are powerful and let you put them in their place
Written by someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent
